Friday, November 12


And I brought my cold with me! Always happy to bring Caribbean germs stateside. Hey, if red states can spread their brand of illness on me, I can sure cough my brains out into the jetstream and teach those bastards a lesson.

Yeah, after being shot into the stratosphere twice (with that pleasant customs stopover in 'Lanta), I have alternating test tones in my ears reminding me that my recupertive powers ain't what they used to be.

We woke up in Jamaica at 5:30am and landed in LA at 10:30pm local times. So of course you can imagine that as soon as we got home, we dropped our luggage on the floor and jumped right into the sofa to watch the TiVoed Bill Maher show from last Friday night. Yes, aside from having colds, we're clinically insane. My friend Jer says I have OCD, but I think he's being too kind.

As for Maher's show, I can only come to the conclusion that Republicans are more pissed at Democrats than Democrats are pissed at Democrats. Alan Simpson and Andrew Sullivan seem to think that red states are above poking fun of, and that's why we keep losing elections. Swear to God. They cited Maher and the Hollywood Elite (Maher must be thrilled he's now in that group) and their name-calling of the backwoods slack-jawed gonadheads from inbred America as the main reason Democrats lose elections. I guess flip-flopper, lipstick on a pig and big-time asshole are terms of endearment to the U.S. of Jesus. But Simpson, moderate as he usually is, apparently got a shot of Zell-ulite and damn near jumped out of the glass to throttle a totally befuddled Maher.

The GOP's whole reaction to the election is just plain bizarre. It seems that every time someone congratulates them, they snap. What the HELL is their problem? Bill Frist demanding that what few Dems still in both chambers of congress turn themselves over to the dark side was surreal enough. These people have become so ruthless from campaigning and negging out that they forgot how to be people. They're non-stop campaign machines. I'm already sick of 'em.

In Atlanta, by the way, I really liked looking at the magazine racks. There, among the Time, Newsweek, US News, et al telling us how they think Bush did it, was the Economist with this simple sentiment: "Now, Unite Us."

The flight from Montego Bay to Atlanta was weird. With no announcement from the cockpit or the flight crew, we landed in Atlanta. It was where we were supposed to land, but they never told us we were getting close. It's a very stunning feeling when you're descending in a fog and then feel and hear a tremendous and unexpected thud. Within a verrry slow split second, you realize that the lights whizzing by out the window aren't angels welcoming you to the 'Gates, but the runway.

So we awaken today, still with the irie warmth of two weeks immersed in the simplicity of Negril. Hang on - the Friday LA Times has arrived and the circular for Fry's has a 1gb SD card for 49 bucks! USA! USA! USA!

But first, I must call all the fine folks on my answering machine and explain why checks bounced after draining my account on Jamaican ATM machines. It was for a great investment. Wood carvings.