Tuesday, August 31

Dave Barry's at the RNC

Karl Rove is Elvis to Young Republicans

I attended a gathering of the College Republicans, a group of politically active young people whose views I wholeheartedly endorse because they gave the media free food and liquor.

They had gathered at a Manhattan bar to hear from Karl Rove, who, depending on your political perspective, is either the (a) chief political adviser to President Bush, or (b) the Antichrist. Some people claim he's the brains behind the president, who, let's face it, does not always appear to be 100 percent aware of what he is thinking. This was demonstrated Monday when the president said we could not win the war on terror, and his aides had to clarify this by explaining that what the president meant was that we COULD win the war on terror. (John Kerry immediately released a statement stating that he strongly disagreed with both of the president's positions.)

Anyway, as far as the College Republicans are concerned, Karl Rove is Elvis; when he entered the bar, they chanted "WE LOVE ROVE!" in a manly heterosexual way. Rove, who has a large, roundish head to accommodate all the various brains he keeps in there, gave a rousing talk in which he told the College Republicans that they should get all the other Republicans at their colleges to - and this is why he is a legendary political strategist, and you are not - vote Republican. Then everybody cheered and set fire to a large spherical doll representing Ted Kennedy.