Monday, August 30

Settin' the Tone

Lie early! Lie often! Let's count 'em so far:
House Speaker Dennis Hastert said Monday that voters have a big yet easy choice in November: Stay with the party that favors (1) "job-creating tax cuts" and will "keep America strong" and (2) avoid the one that is "weak on the war and wrong on taxes."

Hastert addressed the Republican National Convention's opening session by outlining for delegates what he said are President Bush's accomplishments, ranging from tax and education policy to the global war on terrorism.

"(3) We have crushed the Taliban and promoted a (4) democracy in Afghanistan. Saddam Hussein is in jail instead of (5) supporting terrorists and murdering his citizens and invading his neighbors," the Illinois Republican said. (6) "And Osama bin Laden is on the run."
Wow. A new land speed lying record. Let's analyze:

(1) - Job-creating tax cuts. Too easy.
(2) - See, Democrats only know how to make a surplus from the taxes we collect. The GOP, by God, knows how to SPEND it!
(3) - Stop the presses! The Taliban is crushed!
(4) - The same great bomb-detonating democracy Iraq's enjoying now.
(5) - Still no connection's been made here, Denny.
(6) - That should be "Osama bin Laden is on the LOOSE." Small oversight.

Three and a half more days of this, folks.

If you need to watch this trainwreck, we have only three words for you. C-SPAN, C-SPAN, C-SPAN. Don't make yourself crazy watching the anchored kissyface squirtfest.