Saturday, July 26

Bill Maher Destroys the Recall

Man, it warms my heart to see the non-right finally free to open their mouths, take names and kick serious ass. On last night's "Real Time with Bill Maher," Bill took the California gubernatorial recall apart from hair to toenail. (My transcript, so forgive any rushed misspelingz)

New Rule: NO DO-OVERS!

Once you elect an official, unless he runs off with public funds or gets caught with kiddie porn, you're stuck with him. He's the governor. Not some dude you married in Las Vegas.

What is going on here in California (if you're lucky enough NOT to be following this) is that the economy turned, so we're getting rid of the governor. But what if we drive him from office and the economy still doesn't get better? I guess we'll have to burn him. And if that doesn't work, then we'll kill his dog.

Yes, in baseball, when the team stinks, you fire the manager. But you don't fire him because it rains, and you don't fire him between innings - and replace him with a Viennese weightlifter.

Here's why the economy turned:

The dot-com bubble burst. Obviously on the orders of Gray Davis.

The airline industry collapsed, just as Gray Davis planned.

We fought two wars overseas, playing right into Gray Davis' hands.

And Dick Cheney's friends at Enron gamed the energy market and ripped the state off for billions. So you can see the problem. Gray Davis.

And the obvious solution: a Viennese weightlifter. Yes, Arnold Schwarzenegger - finally, a candidate who can explain the administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German.

Not that I'm saying I love Gray Davis. Being enthusiastic about Gray Davis would be like saying your favorite food is straw. But he fought for his country in Vietnam and won a fair election and he's entitled to his term. Maybe he's a crappy governor, but he was the one elected by the voters who bothered to show up at the polls. Their efforts should not be undone by disgruntled shoppers signing a petition on their way out of Target.

Look, there's still a lot of Democrats with sour grapes over the last presidential election, but they're not collecting petitions to replace George Bush with Bernie Mac.

So while we're trying to export representative democracy to Baghdad, it's time we started believing it in Brentwood - because THAT, My Fellow Americans, is what Jessica Lynch was fighting for!

I can't replicate his delivery here, nor can I insert the wild applause which greeted each point. If you get HBO, watch and wish that the rest of California is watching with you.