Is that...? Could it be a...?
Yes it is! A vanishing breed. As part of Governor Jeb Bush's efforts to keep cigarettes available to kids and impulse buyers, Florida still has cigarette machines. They'll cost five bucks, but there's no guy asking you for ID.
Speaking of dangerous shit which you can buy anywhere, there at the supermarket right next to the cured meats is - yes...
These aren't the wuss sparklers and party poppers you find at Target. These are the light 'em-and-run-far-away bad boys.
It used to be you could buy these from roadside stands run by guys with one arm - as long as you signed an affidavit stating that you're going to use these fireworks strictly for scaring crows off your farmland. I kid you not. That was the law in Florida, usually in towns where the nearest farm was hundreds of miles away.
Now you can get the TNT Blazing Rebel, freshwater eel sushi and a fifth of Jackie D's all under one roof. And sure enough, not one crow was inside that store.
It's occurring to me that I've been awake since 3:30am Eastern Time - which is 12:30am Pacific. I think I'll bash the wingnuts tomorrow, whattya say? G'night. Good to be back.